Not My Type
by Das Lieblingsfach
Summary: Sebastian approaches Dave with an offer. Kurtofsky  one-sided , Seblastian, a bit of Santofsky. Spoilers for 3x05.


**A/N- **This takes place in a sort of AU where (spoilers for 3x05) Dave stayed at McKinley instead of transferring and thusly began to to bond with Kurt. You'll probably gather that as you read, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. There's also some slight Blaine bashing, but nothing gratuitous.

* * *

><p>"Hey, hot stuff."<p>

Why he felt compelled to turn at that greeting he would never know. It could have been because he was the only one in the parking lot and therefore the speaker couldn't have been addressing anyone else.

But a tall, dirty-blonde guy, around his age, with sharp brown eyes insinuating he was attractive- nay, _greeting _him with it, was too ridiculous to be believed.

And yet, here they were.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked, feeling it was especially necessary given the circumstances.

The boy, who was oddly dressed in the blue and red Dalton uniform that Dave had come to loathe, shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't see anyone else out here, big guy. Do you?"

So, yeah, it was a stupid question.

"Guess not. Sorry, am I supposed to know you or something?"

The boy laughed, a presumptuous, throaty guffaw that Dave would have expected coming from a smarmy prep school boy like him. At least he didn't disappoint.

"Most likely. No doubt your little elfin friend has had a number of things to complain about, as far as his boyfriend and I are concerned."

It took Dave naught but a thoughtful moment of reviewing Kurt's latest rants to come up with a name.

"You're that Sebastian guy."

It didn't need to be a question. This boy had _Sebastian_ written all over him.

"Good! You're not nearly as dumb as you look. Of course, you did have that admittedly alluring air of broad, cuddly, insecure closeted frat boy to save you in any case, but thank goodness you've actually got a head on your shoulders. I'm sure your friend appreciates that."

Already Dave didn't like him.

"Whatever, prep school. I'm sure you didn't come all the way from thumbs-up-your-ass, Ohio to facetiously hit on me."

Sebastian laughed again, somehow sounding more aggravating than before.

"No, you're right. I came all the way down for sex with a particularly delicious guy. Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same."

"And don't tell me that I'm your intended target."

"Sorry, big guy. You're definitely sexy, but _you're not my type_."

Dave paused a moment in his effort to load his backpack in his truck, one he hoped would make creepy Sebastian move on. He didn't know if that suspicious emphasis on his last few words was intentional or not. But how could it have been, really? No one knew what that really meant to him, not even the boy who had said those words to begin with. How could some random slutty guy he just met have even an inkling?

"Good. So what _do _you want? I've got things to do."

"Oh, I'm sure," Sebastian smirked. "I won't keep you from your Xbox bros for long, I promise. I just happened to be in the neighborhood and thought maybe you and I could have a brief chat."

"Why the fuck would you and I _chat_?"

"As it turns out, Papa Bear, you and I have common cause. I think we could potentially help each other out."

Before Dave could scoff and climb into his truck and speed away from the constant bullshit spewing out of this douche's pretty mouth, Sebastian spoke up and stopped him.

"Look, I won't beat around the bush. I know you've got a little thing for Kurt Hummel."

He had announced it so casually, as if it was nothing more than pointing out that the sky is blue. But Dave began to get that same paranoid, nauseating churn his stomach that so often used to accompany insinuations about his sexuality.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he demanded to know, sure that his fear was coming through despite his best efforts to be intimidating.

Nevertheless, this smarmy bastard had no right or reason to know his feelings for Kurt. He had only confided in one person about it so far and Santana wouldn't betray him like that, not to some random douche.

"Blaine hates you in a completely irrational way. That can only mean he sees you as a competitor, someone who has the ability and the power and the will to encroach on his territory. He says…he doesn't like the way you look at Kurt. Or talk to him."

Dave scoffed, still fighting to seem nonchalant. "Yeah, well that's not news to me. But he has nothing to worry about. Kurt's crazy about him."

Sebastian cocked his head to the side and smiled knowingly. "You say that so somberly. Don't you realize that everything you say or do about or around Kurt completely betrays you? It's not at all hard to see. And to think, up until now all I had to go on was Blaine's word."

"Again," Dave threw back, sharply. "What do you want?"

"Kurt out of the picture." Sebastian answered simply. "Blaine and I are fine, with the exception of him. He gets in the way. And…since you want Kurt, why not take him while the moment is opportune?"

"Because it doesn't work that way," Dave fired back. "Because Kurt isn't some object I steal when his defenses are low and his boyfriend happens to be cheating on him with another snooty asshole."

Dave got one last look at Sebastian's shit-eating grin as he stepped up into the truck and shut the door with a purposefully loud slam. Unfortunately, due to his window being unable to roll up and the several tries it took to get the engine to fire up, he also had to hear the end of the douche bag's proposal.

"You'll help me in any case," he said. "Whether you want to or not, you will, because I guarantee you Kurt will fall in love with you, despite himself."

Dave looked at him for a moment, wondering if he could see the truth in the boy's eyes to validate this promise. But he was just a slimy jerk, one of many who delighted in seeing guys like Dave kicked and prodded to ultimate frustration.

"Whatever." Dave scoffed, taking off and leaving the Dalton boy behind, hopefully forever.

But he couldn't get that last statement out of his head, especially not when he and Kurt's typical text message conversation that evening ended with a 'Goodnight, David. 3'. But Kurt loved him as friend, and if he truly cared for Kurt as much as he should have he'd tell him about Blaine and Sebastian.

But he couldn't stand to see his heart break again. He had made a personal vow when starting a friendship with Kurt in September that it would only be happiness for him from now on, if he could help it, which is why he anonymously sent him flowers after the NYADA meet and greet went to hell, after Blaine took the role Dave knew Kurt could own. It was why he took Kurt shopping when it looked like Brittany was going to win the election.

Anything he could do to make Kurt's senior year the magical experience he wanted, he would make happen without complaint.

And the truth was, Kurt was happy with Blaine, despite it all. What right did Dave have to mess that up just because he made the accident of falling in love with him somewhere along the way?

Sebastian was wrong. Kurt would never want him like that.

After all, how in the world someone like fabulous, gorgeous, out and proud Kurt Hummel ever fall in love with someone like closeted, chubby, insecure Dave Karofsky?


End file.
